The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
