I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mom said you looked used
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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