Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
