And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
