I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
