Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
