i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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