I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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