My brain says no but my pants say off.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
