: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
