Im at strip club and am horny
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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