You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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