FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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