I should be sponsored by Trojan
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
