if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
