You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
