I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
