You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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