it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
