It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
