our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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