We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
