It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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