'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
