why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
