I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
