Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
