I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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