apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
