I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
