You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
