thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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