So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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