# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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