And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
