I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
