Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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