just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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