Kareoke will never be a sober sport
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
