u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
