a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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