Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
