Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
