how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
