you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
