I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
