I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
