I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
