she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
