i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
