fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
