Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
