the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
