i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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