it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
